Dienstplannung - Life of a Barman
Theodor di Ricco
Berlin July 2013
Denver was so tired of viewing the same old theater piece every two weeks. A one-man-show in front of a viewing public of circa fourteen more or less forced observers. They endured the hour long monologue and were rewarded with one working shift a week at the Bar Lokal. If they were good.
He had seen the show over 600 times. It has become such a rhythm in this life. He move his bowels in accordance. How should he stop this? Should he go out with a bang or simply return the keys that he had been carrying for 22 years and not show up to the next play.
He could be evil. He could write it down and make the text public. It would finally bring to words what many a former and current employee at Lokal has thought and felt at one time or another. Yet, the idea of going out with a bang, with no hard feelings appealed to his humanistic side. One big party at Lokal dedicated to Denver, brought joy to his heart but he doubted if Uwe would go for it. Actually when he thought about it, for all that he had been through, he damn well deserve it.
Every second Monday, the employees assemble. They greet each other, group accordingly in cliques and sit themselves in a demi-circle in the front room across from the bar or at the window on black cushioned banks. Denver sat apart at the window usually with Antonio, the second in seniority with only twelve years. At the golden hour of 18:00, with a five to ten minute delay, the show begins. He emerges from the back, sits himself conformably on a black stool in the center with his back leaning on the wooden bar and waits until everyone is silenced before starting.
He talks about everything and nothing. Often it is seasonal; winter months are hard, therefore be nice to the guests. The summer months are loud and it is important to control the volume. Spring is in the air, time for the Koniginnendag, the gay + lesbian street festival and the parade. Autumn, new start, Lokal's birthday party. At some during, there is always a pep talk included about the wonders of Lokal.
From International to local, the bar is the thread that weaves all topics together. Whether it is foreigners, elections, airports to petty criminals they are in some way related to Lokal. Tourists, guests or employees who have created disturbances are highlighted in the monolog and solutions are offered. There have been periods where many have been banned. But in the end, no one is banned for life, with one exception, Isa Gensken.
"Let us begin. Put the phones away. First point. Party. Preparation. Koniginnedag. Who can help? Lokal is not second priority Should be thankful. Should have fun. Be ready for the shift. Don't come with a bad attitude. I need flexible people. Be ready to help your colleagues. Respect. Think with and not against. Second point. Oh yeah, candles only on the tables. New drinks. Leave the stereo alone. It creates only chaos. The Russians. Now comes the worm in the story. I will talk to Chantal. Anything else?"
Those sitting in front can see the authenticity of his acting. His body language is open yet his muscle taunt, ready for swift articulation. He speaks well and clearly, with intensity. His brown eyes are wet and quick. He is commanding and the audience is compelled to follow. Any aural disturbance which breaks his stream of consciousness is rudely commented upon. Hence the only interruption from the audience comes as small antidotes that help embellish or aid in the monolog's development. Uwe is very short on compliments and long on his critics. Drama was not created to tell happy stories.
He finishes his monolog and allows audience participation by asking if there is anything else. They are cautious not to be provocative with their replies which will only add more time they wait for the dispensing of the shifts.
For twenty years, it was Thomas who called out the days of the week. The employee who responded the quickest and loudest won. Of course, with the kings approval. When no one wanted the shift, Uwe looked around and barked out names until someone responded affirmatively. For years now, Denver had become the last resort. It was embarrassing to wait until each name was called out and then finally his, as if offered the scraps.
The fist decades
Thomas the judge, sat to the right of the king, the fool and whipping boy still on the left side. Denver started at Lokal sitting in front and moved to the left because he was tired of being bullied. Uwe would just have to look at his and he would be reminded of his next topic with which to bash Denver. All those years, he was the example to avoid. Uwe took a perverted reward in embellishing Denver's mistakes.
Thomas took over fromAntjea couple of years after Lokal opened.Antjeleft early because she soon realized with whom she was co-owner. She was the one who informed Denver of Uwe's mental conditions, his choleric outbursts of anger. He later regretted mentioning it, having a bar hocker thrown at him when he did, In fact, the first wave of employees who were hired, most had all left within the first two years of it's opening
Uwe used Thomas as his wailing wall, for twenty years his sidekick or in the terms of the theater, his script girl. Thomas had to listen, take notes and keep his mouth shut as Uwe ranted about his dislikes, disgusts and the inadequacies of others around him.
After his twenty year stint, the two met in Lokal. It was reported that Thomas left the bar crying on a crowded Saturday night during the conversation. Some thanks. It is amazing that they all had to put up with him this far. Then one asks, why did they?
When Denver first started, he did the pig work. He got the cheap-end because he was a registered employee. The others worked black to enhance their income already financed by the welfare state. It was Denver who they called to substitute when they had other social obligations. It was Denver who brought a small standard of bar etiquette to their service in which Uwe was the worst offender.
Uwe has learned since then but in the beginning, when one shared a shift with, one did all the work. He stood at the end of the bar, chatting with the guests whilst giving directives to the unfortunate co-worker. Luckily back then, the bar sold mostly beer and wine and it was not at all professional. One was laughed at if one ordered a cocktail.
In general, service was minimal; no cocktails, no waiting. Guests ordered at the bar and payed immediately. There are no tabs which was unusual in Germany. Full ashtrays were taken from the tables and there contents simply dumped on the ground. The personal used their hands to pick the ice out of the bucket. The music was loud played from a cassette deck and if one did not like it, one was too old. The personal were rude, ignored the guests and got better tips because of it. Back then it was important to have bad attitude to be a good bartender.
When it opened, Lokal was the first bar that showed homosexuals drinking together. Instead of sex and hustler bars where one would ring at the door to be let in or had a male only clientele. Lokal has large windows to the street and an open door policy. So Lokal was a continuation of another gay local at the time, Anderes Ufer, a popular café, but not yet a bar.
Woman worked at Lokal up until about last five years ago. It must of gotten around to the lesbian crowd that Uwe is a misogynist and pedophile because since then no other lesbian has banged down the door to be employed.
It was easy to be generous with our time and energy and Uli expected it from his employees. It was also easy to be generous with the products sold. Since exactitude was never a Punkt consistency, drinks were poured without measure and cash moved in and out out a cash box, with registration. Prices were rounded and tips are added into the nightly take of which we got a percentage. For the first ten years, it was 10 percent, now it is down to five. When this cut was introduced, no one said anything against the decision. Because we all know that we all can drink for free when we work or visit, thus reducing substantially our personal entertainment budget.
The bitch decades
Improvements have been made and it sometimes takes years. Ice was frozen in trays in the back and had to be fetched constantly. Now there is an machine at the bar. It was just bottles of Flensburger beer that did not even needed to be opened. Later Becks beer which Lokal was known for selling warm due to inadequate refrigeration.
Draft beer took too much time to serve. Now there is a premium beer on draft and an effort is made. A one-lemon-slice for all which was dumped into the soda or yeast beer changed after Denver started putting it on the side of the glass and using a lime instead, for a gin and tonic.
The same cafe machine is in use for over twenty years. It was finally taken into the shop last year for a thorough cleaning. The beans are now ground and fresh milk has been substituted for the homogenized kind.
The small refrigerator for wine and vodka has been replaced only once. It is amazing that it still functions at all, the tiny freezer condenses into an ice block weekly. It would be nice if Lokal would have other liquors on ice instead of just Jägermeister and one bottle of vodka.
Denver had made suggestions that has saved Lokal, i.e. Uwe, money; switching to night electricity, getting an Ionizer for the smoking room replacing of an expensive malfunctioning smoke eliminator. One suggestion which Denver had made and been laugh at on numerous occasions; more respect for the products it sells. The juices and soft drinks are still sorted chaotically. Guest arriving when the bar when it opens at eight, often get a flat soda pop, sparkling wine, mixed drink or a slightly fermented fruit juice.
The decor has changed little by little every year until it has stagnated to it's present form. The back room which used to be the kitchen is now the green Tangueary smoking room. Naturally Denver had an opinion about the current smoking regulation sweeping over Europe. When the state offers legal drugs for consumption and taxes the hell out of them, then there should be designated spaces where their consumption is permitted in comfortable and relaxing settings. A bar would be the perfect solution. Locations which divides the consumption of legal drugs into separate spaces would not be called 'BAR'.
The middle room is painted in the colors of the german flag; black, red and yellow. A cushioned burgundy red vinyl sitting bank weaves along on one side of the room broken by a circular column now tiled, formally painted throughout the years in various colors. Opposite the bank, a long narrow strip has been hacked out of the wall by Massi Eitman and lit with a string of holiday lights. He placed Schleich figures there representing familiar scenes of nature and society and sealed it with plexiglas.
A corridor divides the room on one side and leads to the bathrooms to the left and the seller to the right. At the back, two small tables are anchored into the wall with three black cushioned turning stools equally anchored into the cement floor. There used to be a large mirror there but it shattered when Uwe placed a candle underneath and it overheated. There has always been five heavy metal tables, two large coffee in the middle german room and three bar tables in the front.
Standing in front of the bar, there are two plaster of paris ship battalions molded by Mike Zimmerman hung on either side of the large mirror that hangs diagonally overhead adding tension and a view of the mosaic-tiled wall opposite. Those seated there can see the reflection of the guests at the bar.
The ceiling is the masterpiece, painted by David Koch who ended his relationship with Uwe just as the bar was opening. He painted a swirl of male angels ascending to heaven. He also painted the logo for Lokal and created the bathroom installation where he carved a heart shape into the brick wall and set inside a photo of two boys dressed in turn of the century school clothing looking romantically into the future. He covered the remaining wall with tiger print fabric.. Later his installation was photographed by Cindy Sherman and is in her collection.
Behind the bar, there is enough space for one to work comfortably, two to work efficiently and three to be a crowd. Everything one needs is within on or two steps of reach. With good music and a small rush of guests, one can easily dance whilst serving. Reaching left to the glass shelves which Denver had build, scooping up ice into the glass, taking a bottle of liquor from behind, pouring, bending over, opening the drawer, lifting while unscrewing, mixing, adding fruit and straw, serving, smiling, collecting, thanking. Dankeschön, Bitteschön … all in one fluid movement.
Looking from outside, the word 'Lokal' is written in capital arial bold font on a white signage lighted from behind with neon, below, the large window divided in two. The bar looks inviting, large white candles on each metal table, dimmed lighting. At the right angle from the street, one can see all the way back to the smoking room.
After David left, Iwo Horn and Denver took over as the resident artists. Ingo made photos installations and was the house photograph. As with the common consciousness at the time, it starting in the early nineties with the text 'Kiff Eck' tapped into the dark corner where the table and chairs are anchored. Later these texts migrated throughout the Lokal and ended up at the wooden shelves behind the bar for all to read.
Every few weeks, Denver would create and post a new text. Some of the jewels; 'like a dog returning to eat it's own vomit, I see you again', 'You tired mother-fuckers are replicas of things dead long ago'. In those heady times after the fall of the Berlin wall, one could write and post such, unfathomable today. To the more recent and nicer versions; 'eat the vegans' or 'tschüß, cheers, jews'. These short texts have been collected into a 'Book of Theodorism'.
Denver created a dia-projector installation for Lokal which was purchased by Thomas. He hung 'Halb Mao', a collage art piece he created out of a picture of Mao Tse Tung cut perfectly in half and the letter 'G' from a discarded east-german store signage. The oval shape of the G and Mao's half-face fit perfectly together. This collage has been there for over twenty years and has become an institution. Soon, they will be asking, 'Where is Halb-Mao ?'
For Lokal's tenth year anniversary, Massi and Denver made a pamphlet with 240 questions about Lokal. When they were passed out, it went over like a lead ballon. Silly questions like, '… have you ever had sex in Lokal?' or 'Where is Uwe's casting couch?'. There were a couple of hidden questions of course, … 'Who is banned in Lokal?' and 'About which former employee should one not speak?' Their gift was rarely mentioned in the weeks and months following.
Whereas those at Anderes Ufer Café collected the art they exhibited, Uwe never really seemed to pay attention. Regarding what was created around him as a given. Too bad, of all the visual artists that have come through Lokal, Uwe would have had a wonderful collection.
Cuntclusion
Denver did not like the direction Berlin is taking in relationship to it's former tolerant ways. He called it 'Europeanization'. Berlin was dirty, sexy and still is unmistakingly provincial. We were all equal here and most importantly, we were free. Free from the constraints of the overly jealous moral and righteous societies which we had left. In West-Berlin we were the outcasts on an island. We were the freaks and humanitarians from around the world. Now we are artists and service personal for the new Europe. Touché.
The drug culture has changed. Instead of it being a shared ritual, It has become a 'don't ask, don't tell' environment. One of the issues for which Denver has long fought, is the legalization of marihuana. Now that it is so close to acceptance, for this current generation, it is cool to be indignant towards it's use and smell. Their drugs are either traditional or designer. Denver stopped offering his joints to them to avoid their pithy refusal.
Related to the bar, it was understood back then that when a street person entered on a cold night to find a warm place in a corner for a moment, they could remain as long as they did not disturb the guests. Now they are told to leave immediately. Uwe will have nothing to do with peace, love and egg-pancakes, having lived through it in 70's Germany and 80's Berlin. They are inappropriate attitudes for life in the current urban survival period of the Great Recession.
Nr.161 of the pamphlet Massi and Denver made asked: Sado-masochismus at Lokal, how long does Uwe and Denver know each other? That was twelve years ago. Denver remained because he viewed Lokal as his service to society. On the larger scale; love all, serve all … even Uwe. It was important to put oneself at service to others once in a while. On the smaller scale, Denver choose to live in a highly structured society and the money he made and spend and the taxes he paid, help provide for this condition.
Uwe and Denver could never have a descent conversation. It has been a challenge for Denver in all the years that he worked there to find the moment where they could enjoy each other's company, exchange ideas, go to Mars and back with them, laugh and finally nail down something concrete to work on together. That would never happened.
Uli did not talk to Denver, he talked at Denver. Even though Denver was younger by just a few years, his suggestions were often ignored as pure nonsense.
"You have no idea." Uwe never let Denver finish a sentence, constantly interrupting and this was when he was in a normal state.
When Uwe came at Denver in rage, there was no change to get a word in edgewise. It was pointless and dangerous to contradict him. The reasons for his tantrum, which he had imagined, would not be discussed. Any attempt to defend was fetal and blocked with loud and aggressive shouts. It would be a never-ending spiral of anger, until Denver stopped, sat down and remained quiet.
A pause, Uwe breaths deeply in and out and continues his fiery outburst followed by a questions and answers period at the end. He lists everything that has frustrated him lately. As usual, he intwines Denver into the cause of his frustration. Denver must understand this, repeat the nonsense and by no means contradict him in any way.
"Do you understand?"
"Yes. You're the boss."
"What did I say?"
Uwe has said so much in the last ten minutes, Denver studdered not know exactly what he wanted to hear. One point was certain. Denver must never compromise Uwe the Chef before the other colleagues at Punkt in any manner. That means Denver must never interrupt Uwe during the bi-monthly dienstplannung-meetings.
Denver knew his place. He was the lesbian slave. Uwe was the boss, King Uwe. His whines were Denver's commands. He did the best he could to implement them working as hard as his younger colleages. Yet, his seniority and experience were never considered. In bar life there is no mercy for the sagging flesh of living fossil.
An issue for Uwe which he has repeated over the years is when a employee quits, he never sees them again. He lists the names, with an "… even Thomas!", loudly spoken at the end. Denver would smile and tell him that in his case it would not occur. At which Uwe would called him a lier or a pile of shit. Denver was sure that Uwe has asked himself the question why, the answer must be too scary for him to contemplate.
Denver was not the only person who has had a strained relationship to Uwe, who masked his frustration in choleric outbursts. The frustration that others have a better life than him. And Uwe lives a lonely life, Denver got the impression. He does not do a lot to attract others. For over two decades, it was hard to keep for Denver his mouth shut and hoped that his actions spoke louder than words.
Uwe projects and assimilates his faults onto others. For example, he accused Denver that none of the Lokal personal wanted to work with him He creates the climate amongst them that he is difficult to work with, yet it is Uwe that is the difficult one.
To set the record straight. It was Uwe's fault. He put the candle under the mirror. Chantal, a regular for over a decade, and Denver heard the it break. Denver was only working that evening, not decorating. Somehow, Uwe has projected into his monolog that Denver was the culprit.
Number three, Uwe is a known to be chaotic. In fact, that is the one quality that is always mentioned when asked about his character. This is an aspect that Denver believed they both enjoyed in themselves. They both embrace the random chaos theory because they were confident in their reaction to it. And yes, Denver have been told numerous times by yours truely that it is he who is the chaotic one.
It is good that Uwe is a homosexual. Less of a chance for him to have children. He would be a monster. His children would do terrible things to free themselves from his control. He has to come to terms that his children are the workers at Lokal and a lesbian slave has decided to free herself.
Of the fourteen today, only a few are over forty. The current batch is between 23 and 32. When Denver goes, the seniority drops in half. Uwe will have a different relationship to his staff. There will not be anyone who will remind him of the old ways and days. He will have free reign to carry on his monolog without interruption; 'The Life of a Barman'.
It would of been nice to have started a yearly party like Hans did with his Koniginnedag on the 31st of April. The party 'Winter in Berlin' that Denver had spoken about for a few years and finally implemented without much verbal support from his colleagues was the best he could do with the resources at hand. It would be traditional if Uwe picked up the idea for next year and used it. It would not surprise Denver in the least.
It would have also been nice to pass the baton to a recommended employee. Given him a few secret tips. Yet, not one of the persons Denver suggested to work at Lokal had Uwe hired. On the other hand and unfortunately, not one of his colleagues in crime has ever become a friend. There were a couple of contact bursts but they also have moved on.
For a few years now, the newest employees have stopped adding their faces to the photo montage behind the bar. Of those pictured since 1990, three have died, two from and Aids and one from an heroin overdose. Of the first wave of personal in Lokal; Massi, David and Bart Mecklenburg now work at popular bar in Kreuzberg.
Denver could not attest to Uwe's good qualities due to the lack of communication between the two. Denver asserted that he must do something right to still be alive. He was successful. Apparently had a talent within the entertainment industry. Denver had heard that he was a professional actor.
Denver suspected that Uwe in some way respected him. He had hinted at firing Denver on occasion but Denver kept on coming back. But then again, no one has every been fired from Lokal. Uwe respected the free spirit of an artist which resided in Denver and negated in himself. He respected the fact that Denver spoke three languages and had become German, giving up his American passport. Partly due to his jewish culture and their respect for the written word, Uwe respected that Denver had written a book of fiction. Denver assumed that the copy of 'Why I Live Here' he gave to Uwe was never read. Denver had never heard a comment from Uwe about the book. Perhaps if Uwe had made the effort to read it, he would would have understood Denver.
Denver did have a better life. He did not gloat in it, he lived it. He was in love, in good health, he managed his own meaningful stress and avoided the other kind. He traveled. He learned. He created. In short, he enjoyed life and the sweetest revenge is to have a good one. This drove Uwe insane.
Time to move on. Denver was over fifty, getting long in the tooth He had seen it, done it and was over it. Currently Lokal did not bring him further. Denver imagined his life without Lokal, without the bi-weekly meetings, without Uwe. When he did, he took a deep breath and smiled. When he looked back he realized how many invitations or vacations were cut short because he had to return to work at Lokal.
Denver quits. The relationship between the chef and the employee is broken. After which Denver as guest, sees himself at the bar speaking with Uwe, not keeping his mouth shut. Consequently Uwe screaming at him or breaking off the conversation and walking away. Denver perversely wants Uwe to eat his words. He wants to see Uwe often and wants to try to be a friend. He supposed that there was a little social-worker inside of him after all, especially for the hard nuts to crack. Deep down inside, Denver did believe that they both have a lot to offer each another.
