31. let’s make it happen
Jay: Well it looks like it’s going to be an exciting game. You saw
what happened to the last contestants. Will it happen again? I hope
not. Let me begin. What’s your name?
Juan: Olá. My name is Juan and I’m from Oakland. I had a life of
crime. I mugged people and I had marital problems. Now I got my shit
together. I work for a record store in Sacramento.
Greg: Hi. My name’s Greg. I used to be a vet but that was before I
got caught selling elephant tranquilizers to party people. Now I own
a gallery and I live in Sacramento.
Laura: Hello. My name is Laura, originally from San Ysidro. Now I
don’t tell anyone where I live. I worked at the Burger Queen where
that woman hater shot anybody that moved. I hope I win a trip and get
out of this country.
Pat: I’m Pat. Hello. I am orinailly from south but on my way to S.F. my car broke down in Sacramento The people are nice here so I
decided to stay. I cut hair part time and work at a soup factory.
Jay: Okay. Ready to start the game? Are you ready, contestants? The
first question. If Gandhi could fly, how would of that changed the
world?
Greg: Well, he might of done surveillance work for the british
government who was in power at the time. The war in asia would have
been totally different.
Laura: He was a pacifist. I don’t think he would’ve worked for any
government. Presuming that he was the only one who could fly, he
probably would of jet-setted around the world, made a lot of money
making appearances and maybe started a school to teach others.
Pat: I saw a movie once where he took a train. If he could fly, he
would of been able to see the country from the sky and drop down
where there was unrest and make a speech.
Juan: Who’s Gandhi?
Jay: Ten points for Laura for the correct answer. Next question. If
Norma Child had done a cover version of Viva Las Vegas, how would she
have sung it?
Greg: She had a pretty good voice. She would’ve belted out the
refrain. But I fear to think of it! Wow! Norma Child wasn’t what you
call a bombshell.
Laura: Funny, you compare her with a weapon. I don’t think she would
have forgotten the text. It’s really simple. You say, ’Viva Las
Vegas’ four times. And there’s something about bright lights and
spending your last dime.
Juan: Si, man. I see her singing on stage in a diamond dress, playing
the guitar.
Pat: I didn’t know she could play the guitar?
Jay: Ten points to Juan for tricking Pat.
Jay: Next question. Two people have been shot and are yelling for
help. Which one do you save first?
Laura: I was there already. You don’t move. That is why I am alive
today.
Juan: I’d go after the person who did it.
Pat: I’d yell for help and save both.
Greg: Gee. I don’t know. The one who needed it the most.
Jay: Another ten points for Laura for a real-life answer. Final
question. You lost the dare. You’ve got to suck the snot out of a
dead dog’s nose until its head collapses. How does it taste?
Pat: Like a very big oyster, Salty?
Greg: I think you couldn’t swallow. You’d have to keep spitting it
out. A dog’s brain is about half the size of a volleyball.
Laura: I don’t know if I could suck that hard. The first clump would
be a shock. There’s a long distance between the nose and the brain.
Juan: It’s making me sick thinking about it. We eat something like it
when we are hung-over. Maybe if you put some hot sauce on it.
Jay: Good going Juan. Ten points. Next round, team play. Pat and
Greg, here’s a chance to catch up. As you see, door number one has
been revealed. Carol Merril is boarding a plane. Oops! She dropped
her boarding card. Ah look, when she bent over her dressed ripped
exposing herself. Tell me, for ten bonus points, what was the most
embarrassing moment of last year?
Greg: When my gallery hosted the annual Bunny Ball and it was
one of those moments where I said the wrong thing. I was talking about a
movie with Sarah Wahn to a land developer and potential collector. I
was telling him that I think she can’t act her way out of a paper
bag. Then he tells me, it’s his wife. I lost a sale with that
careless remark.
Laura: When I was doing Yoga for part of my therapy and my vagina
flagellated. I was so embarrassed but apparently it’s normal.
Pat: When I told a friend of mine about the time I was trimming my
pubic hairs and nipped myself. It was a bloody affair. We were
waiting in line for coffee, and as it turns out the lead singer from
the Geniuses was standing in front of me and heard everything. I
could of died right there on the spot.
Juan: When I got caught. I was at my wife’s house apologizing, man,
for my sins, hoping that she would take me back. The police came and
ruined everything.
Jay: Laura, another ten points. It looks like you’ll be taking that
trip. Your bonus question. Answer this correctly and we’ll add some
money to your holiday extravaganza. Carol is boarding the plane. In
her suitcase is a kilo of cocaine. She is arrested and tortured by
the CIA agent. Would you recommend the death penalty?
Laura: Do I win, if I answer?
Jay: It depends on where you want to take yourself.
Laura: I saw carnage first hand! Maybe a dual execution? But in the
end, it’s a lose-lose situation.
Jay: Correct. Laura, you sure know how to play this game. Abort the
other contestants. Laura. Next we will be pitting you against our
previous winner in the exciting turbo-combat-derby but first, let’s
have a look at what you could be enjoying if you get through the next
round.
No comments:
Post a Comment