Wednesday, March 10, 2021

Chapter 45. where you go, you take yourself - Sick Sacraments

 45. where you go, you take yourself


Neil Jung twanged on the car radio. Denver and Icky were well on  

their way through the central valley. They had stopped off in Modesto  

for a joint and were finishing the last of their coffee in the  

parking lot of a shopping mall with detached twenty-four hour fast  

food drive-through restaurant.

“Find something else?” Denver suggested and took a toke.

“Don’t you like folk music?” Icky reached over and fidgeted with the  

dial.

“Yeah. I do. I’d just rather hear the hypnotic voices of mysterious  

bulgarian folk singers than the dreary strums of american country  

western. It’s not like we’re going to get anything like that on the  

radio ’cause this car is from Detroit, we are in the United States  

and we are Californians. It’s only AM or FM from the Pacific to the  

Atlantic, K in the west and W in the east.” He cracked the window and  

discarded the cowboy.

“ … of letting up. Flooding has occurred in …”

“Wow. It’s already flooding. Leave it on for a second.”

“… I chi, you be. So to, you do,” spoke a female voice on the radio.  

A bell rang and the voice spoke another phrase, which neither could  

understand.

Icky reached over to change the station.

“Wait a minute,” Denver said, holding out his hand to stop Icky.

“Do you want to hear this?”

“It’s better than american folk music. It’s something different.”

“What’s she saying?”

“I don’t know,” Denver said and they both sat silent and motionless  

listening to the mantra, trying to make out the words.

Icky spoke first. “You know what it sounds like to me?”

“I think I do.” They started to mouth the words along with the voice  

on the radio until they were both rocking with the rhythm and  

vocalizing the mantra.

“You go girl. You go girl. You go girl. You go girl.”

They looked at each other momentarily wrinkling their eyebrows and  

shaking their heads questioning what they were saying. “You go girl?”  

still rocking until the voice suddenly stopped.

“You mother fuckers are replicas of things that should of been dead  

long ago.”

Icky and Denver were hooked. The only other sound was the raindrops  

beating down on the Galaxy.

“Peace and love and happiness. What do you want to hear?” the voice  

asked then took a deep breath.

“Excuse me. Squeeze me. Bless you, Sisters. I want to ask you some  

questions.” She enunciated her words and paused between 

each phrase.  

“Is your house in order? If not, it is time to clean it up. Remember,  

cleanliness is where the goddess is at. Put some order in your house  

and get it ready for the guests, Sisters. It’s time to make a happy  

house.” A banal rhythm of easy listening played briefly.

“Is she recommending household cleaning tips, or what?” Icky asked  

pathetically.

“Are you healthy?” continued the soothing female voice. “Have you  

made your body a temple for the spirit? It is time to perfect your  

body. Are you happy? Is your happiness derived from love and through  

learning? Have you achieved happiness in knowledge or in your  

achievements? Are you satisfied? Do you want more? Have a nice day,  

Sisters. Though I know it is what they all say.”

“Geez, man. She sure asks a lot of questions,” Icky stated and turned  

up the volume. “It must be a new and powerful feminist self help  

group broadcasting from a community collage. Maybe it’s a radio play.”

“Goddess Bless you Sisters,” the voice continued. “Ring my bell.”

A bell rang and another smooth, calm female voice began to sing  

slowly in the background,


Workin’ in the coal mine

goin’ down, down.

Workin’ in the coal mine.

Oooh, I gotta get down.

6 o’clock in the mornin’,

I’m already up and gone.

Oh! I am so tired

feels like I can’t go on.

’Cause, I’m workin in the coal mine,

goin’ down, down, down.


There was a moment’s pause before the main voice spoke again. “I am  

not satisfied. I am so tired of waiting. I would love for something  

to happen. An evolutionary step in the right direction instead of a  

de-evolutionary step in the wrong one. It is an unfinished journey  

that we are in the midst of and we need to pack up and continue the  

march towards social reform.

“Sisters. I want to talk about the love and r-e-s-p-e-c-t that each  

and everyone deserves. Because when you do not have the love 

and the  r-e-s-p-e-c-t from your Sisters, it is P.M.S.”

“What that mean?” Icky hurriedly asked.

“Geez Icky. Don’t be stupid. Premenstrual Syndrome.”

“Sisters, I am so tired. Every time I turn on the radio, the  

television, search the net or open the newspaper I am so tired of  

hearing, seeing, experiencing and reading about men fighting for some  

dogma or another. It is heavy P.M.S. Pretty Much the Same. Alleluia.”

Other female voices in the background confirmed her statement.

“That’s clever.”

“Yeah. I’m remembering that one,” Denver interjected. “This must be …”

Icky quieted Denver with a sharp „Sshss!”

“Every day is a sad day. Without love and respect, one feels like a  

worthless amoeba in the cold, damp, ultra black coal mines deep  

inside mother earth, alone in squalor, tortured by loneliness. Every  

human is a source of information. We need to communicate, babble,  

exchange ideas, learn and educate each other. But without this  

respect, every drip of a stalactite is a foreign language that we but  

little understand. Every day is hell even in spring. Singing the  

blues comes naturally.”

Again a bell rang and the female voice sang:


I was untrue.

What have I put you through?

I wanted someone new,

but you knew

and now you too

are gone and I am blue.

What am I going to do?

I still love you.

Boo hoo.


“Everything rhymes with blue.” She continued her discourse. “Every  

soap opera and county-western song makes sense. Get down.” 

She raised her voice.

“Yes! Without a little L & R, it is like a day without sunshine, a  

sad day, separated, divorced from every, every, everything around us.  

It is hell. Boredom would be a comfort but all there remains, is  

absolute stagnation and nothingness. Revenge? For what? 

Suffering and suicide are not alternatives. No sex whatsoever.”

“I feel she is talking directly to me.” Denver confirmed.

“Don’t worry Sisters, we are in love and we are in house. Alleluia.”

“I can’t believe it!” exclaimed Denver. “In the middle of dumb-fuck  

no where. I think it’s Gogo Sunshine. She’s the one who does that  

lightbulb thing.”

“Sister!” a third voice, deep with intention, pronounced. “Hit me  

with your rhythm stick.” The bell rang and she sang:


A-B-C.

Easy as one, two, three.

A. B. C.

You and me, baby.

A-B-C-1-2-3-A-B-C.

You and me girl.


Denver and Icky sang along until the music came to an abrupt stop and  

the main voice returned to the microphone speaking still distinctly  

yet more quickly, “I am tired of the lies. I want to be free of  

manipulation by the white supremacist. Free to fly away like the  

butterflies do at the zoo.”

The bell rang and the original vinyl recording of the Norma Child  

song, with skips, played for a moment:


Want to be a butterfly

flying free at the zoo.

I want to fly, fly away

and get away, ’way from you.

I want to be a butterfly

flying free at the zoo.

I want to fly in the sky

and get away, ’way from …


“Fuck the pope,” the voice said as the song faded out. “Fuck the  

ayatollah khomeini. Fuck the rabbi heller. Fuck the holy brahmin.  

Fuck institutionalized religion! Fuck the U.S.A., W.T.O., G.A.T.T.,  

N.A.F.T.A. and N.A.T.O. Fuck C.B.S., N.B.C, A.B.C., C.N.N., B.B.C.  

and M.T.V. Fuck I.T.T., I.B.M., A.T.T., M.C.I. and G.T.E. And fuck  

PDF, JPG, DOC, and WRD. And fuck militant non-smokers. 

They are so silly.”

“That’s right, woman,” Icky affirmed, “they are.”

“If man makes religion and religion creates war, then man is war.”

“Aha,” a group of women’s voices agreed in the background.

“If man makes politics and politics declares war, then man is war.”

“Aha.”

“If man makes the media and the media report the war, then man is war.”

“Wow!” Icky uttered. “This is almost too much for me.” He was quickly  

silenced by Denver.

“It takes five seconds to decide. Five seconds of your time to  

decide, if you are part of the problem or if you are part of the  

solution.” She started counting off, “One, two, three, four, five.”

“I’ve decided,” Denver announced.

“I’m with ya’,” Icky joined in.

“Vote for me, I will set you free. I am the new age.” She repeated  

the sentences and the congregation could be heard expressing its  

support in the background. All of a sudden, she stopped everyone  

short by interjecting, “Heil Peace!”

“Heil Peace!” Denver and Icky repeated raising their left arms high,  

and looked at each other.

“Hey. That comes from the Art Angles.”

“Must be C.C.” Denver said. “Common consciousness.”

There was a long pause and they heard the studio audience squirming  

in their seats.

“I forgot what I was going to say. S.T.M.L. Short Term Memory Loss.  

It happens when I get stoned.” She paused again.

Icky said, astonished, “Can you believe what you just heard? She  

admitted to getting high. This is brilliant! This must be a pirate  

radio station, or maybe the aliens are beaming down their message.”

“It’s Gogo Sunshine. I know her website.” He looked at Icky. “You  

know, I told you already.”

“Mother mercy! What have I done? Oh yeah. Sisters, I was going to  

tell you a story: One foggy evening, I met an alien disguised as a  

mild-mannered, middle-aged, suburban garden troll. As I approached  

the extra terrestrial, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a  

yellow piece of paper. He said that he had been watching me and gave  

me a piece of paper that has changed my life. On this piece of paper  

was written the code: E. G. Y. P. T.”

Icky slammed his left foot down on the brake pedal and jerked back  

into his seat. “Woah, man!” His lower jaw dropped and he put his hand  

to his heart, speechless. The similarities of circumstances were  

becoming more than simply coincidental. Denver was hyperventilating  

and looked at Icky for reassurance.

“I now possess the code to talk to the aliens and I have been talking  

to them.” Her voice changed, “Hello. Hello. The aliens are talking to  

me. They are communicating with me. They are saying things to me.”

“L.S.M.F.T. I wonder if she’s got a cigarette package up to her ear.”

Denver murmured, “Hello. Hello,” while looking out the Galaxy’s window.

“Sisters! I have come here today to give you that code. But first, I  

am going to tell you what the aliens have been telling me. The aliens  

don’t come too often but when they do! Sisters! The energy was out  

there not too long ago. I felt it and I prayed to the Goddess. I lit  

my candle and rang my bell. And they started talking. They started  

telling me things, not in code. Not in tongues, but in plain speak so  

that I fully understood and you know what they said?” she took a long  

pause as any good storyteller would to keep the suspense peaked at  

just the right level.

Icky and Denver held their breath.

“They said,” she whispered, and the bass gonged on the cheap  

cardboard speakers and the tone vibrated inside the Galaxy.

“They have been saying that this society in which we are living is  

dedicated to the white, christian, heterosexual man otherwise known  

as the white supremacist, whose number is 666. It is he who is  

constantly striving to progress, to go longer, taller, thicker,  

deeper, wider, higher and larger, to go fast, faster, the fastest, to  

grow big, bigger, to be the biggest, to be the better man, a better  

man than him, the very best of them all.”

“His striving is based on the terrible masculine monotheism founded  

for the salvation of his ego, built with no concern for nature and  

with total disrespect for everyone who is not heterosexual and male!  

Alleluia Sisters! I’m not finished reading!”

“Alleluia Sister. Read woman. Read!” Denver managed to 

exclaim though concentrating deeply on every word she spoke.

“Fellow lesbians.”

“I didn’t know I was a lesbian.” Icky said.

„You are now.”

“We are suppressed, exploited by chauvinistic macho pigs, giant pink  

sea slugs, slimy yuppie surfer boys and moose heads of mega- 

corporations. Sisters, I know plenty of these dogs that go about  

their day, everyday, lifting up their leg and leaving their mark on  

every corner.”

“They wake up, drink coffee, eat breakfast, defecate, take a shower,  

shave and brush their teeth.” She returned to the calm cadence with  

which she had begun. “Everyday, they drive a car, go to work, eat  

lunch, eat dinner, watch TV and make whoopee. Everyday they drink a  

beer, or smoke a cigar, or pop a pill and stare at the empty white  

walls.”

“Born in the town, they will live in the town, they will die in the  

town, they were born in the town, they will live in the town, they  

will die in the town, they were born in …” The phrase was picked up  

by the background singers as she continued to read.

“In the meantime, they eat, and eat, and eat, and when their bellies  

are full and are almost ready to burst, these anal retentive assholes  

can not even shit straight. In fact, they can’t even shit at all.  

They are all constipated. They are all i.r.r.e.g.u.l.a.r. Irregular.  

They all need a good enema. And Sisters, the time has come to  

administer, to insert and to flood the guts of mankind. The time has  

come for the anal revolution. It’s time to get the shit rolling  

because life is not a buffet, and you cannot eat all you want.  

Alleluia.”

“Alleluia!” Denver shouted. “Hooked on enemas. Sister, get down!”

“I want to ask you something. I want to ask you something personal. I  

know I am not going too far because we are all Sisters here. We are  

all family here. Is that right?”

A chorus of voices hummed their approval.

“How do you wipe your rosette? Think about it!”

“Miss Thing. You are wicked for asking,” remarked Denver.

“She never stops asking questions.”

“What kind of toilet paper do you use? Is it that soft-cushy-quilted  

little number that comes in all sorts of rainbow colors? Or is it  

that extra-extra two or four ply tissue that smells like grandma’s  

ten-year-old bottle of MeMe? How many sheets of toilet papers do you  

use per action? Do you fold it, wad it or crumple it all up in your  

hand? Do you wipe your rosette more than once and how do you 

wipe it?  

Front to back or back to front? Are you used to the smell?”

Icky snorted, wiped the buggers and said, “The smell of my own shit.  

Geez Enver, I never really thought about that.”

“Do you like the smell of your own farts?”

“Miss Gogo, don’t stop!” Denver interjected.

“Have you ever stopped to think what you would do without toilet  

paper? Or that humans are the only animals that even take the time to  

wipe their butts, let alone produce the paper with which to do it?”

“Oh child. Woman here is speakin’ the truth,” Denver testified while  

raising and shaking the palms of his hands to the heavens. “What a  

great way to save the planet.”

“Sisters. Sisters. Do you look at your poop when you are done? And  

finally, my last question.”

“I thought she’d never stop.”

“Are you satisfied? Sisters, we are what we eat and the proof is in  

the pudding! Alleluia!”

Once again, the group of female voices sounded their approval.

“Get down!” Denver exclaimed and bowed his head. The 

moment seemed  

right for a spiritual experience and Denver was taking advantage.

“Sisters. We have come together to rejoice in who we are, to  

celebrate our identity as lesbians. The Goddess blesses all the  

lesbians here today. We have come together as proof of who we are and  

what we must do in order to be respected, not just accepted. I just  

want to live. I want to feel the music. I was born to be alive.” The  

bell rang and she sang:


Born. Born. Born.

Born to be alive.

Yes. I was born, born, born.

Born, to be alive.


“To experience and to learn, to rejoice in our ability to reason, to  

think, to speak and therefore to exist. Our identity is not defined  

from the outside but from within ourselves. It is a culture and it is  

ours.”

“What’s she goin’ on about this lesbian shit for? I don’t know if I  

can identify with that word, Denver.”

“I’ll explain later.” He waved his hand to silence his traveling  

companion. “Let me listen.”

“We are not lesbian slaves. Sisters, I am every woman and I am coming  

up. We are the niggers of the world and it is time for each of us to  

state, once and for all: I am a lesbian and I like it. I like it a lot.”

“She sure goes on ‘bout this lesbian cause.” Icky said feeling  

annoyed. “Where is she comin’ from?”

“We have got to fight for our right to make love, to save sex. Save  

sex, safe sex.”

“It’s time to save sex,” a male voice intervened.

“Where’d he come from?”

Denver shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe it was the voice of the sponsor.”

“Hey, what time is it?” the female voice returned.

“Time?” they both chirped in unison.

“It’s time for our science lesson.”

“What’s this woman got on her mind?”

“Magi Head, famous anthropologist, now deceased, noted that the  

eskimos have more than two dozen words for describing snow, showing  

its importance in their society. I want to illustrate this point by  

noting many of the supplementary words used for describing ’penis’  

and ’vagina’ in this society. Let’s start with the penis first, shall  

we? Please repeat after me:

„Penis, cucumber, bone, boner, cock, dick, erection, hose, manroot,  

joystick, banana, knob, love muscle, member, nuts, organ, pick,  

zucchini, Q-tip, rod, staff, totem pole, weenie, dingle, hammer,  

jewels, meat, prick, quick stick, ramrod, pole, stick, tool, willy,  

business, devil stick, hot dog, peter, stinger, tube, pee pee, wee  

wee, dong, phallus, ding dong, pleasure pole, wang and finally, love  

rooster.”

The congregation solemnly repeated each word after her, as did Denver  

and Icky, laughing at the endless euphemisms being broadcast on the  

radio.

“Now, onto the vagina. Once again, please repeat. Box, dial, cunt,  

kitty.”

“Crystal. Oh fuckin’ A, man. I forgot that I had a date tonight.”

“Lovelips, mound, pussy, snatch, twat.”

“With who?”

“Bell, cat, labia, peach.”

“Crystal. You know. Miss Rivercondo.”

“Slit, pineapple, pudenda, beaver, muff, gash, hole …”

“Whatcha goin’ to do?” Denver managed to ask between 

peals of laughter.

“Pud, clit, and finally, cherry.”

“Nothin’. I forgot. Your tragedy took priority.”

“That concludes our science lesson for today. Your homework will be  

to write a one-page essay using as many of the words that you learned  

as possible. Remember to use your imagination. Extra points will be  

given for the most creative story.”

“She’s got a point,” Denver added.

“Fellow lesbians! Sisters! I want to tell you something that you  

probably haven’t realized. We are a gift. Yes! We are a gift from the  

Goddess to the mother, to Mother Earth, naturally, you and I. Yes  

lesbians, because we do not participate in the lie of the patriarch,  

the lie of breeding, the lie of belonging to someone.”

“Read woman. I think that myself,” Denver responded.

“It is understandable that I do not have, have to, want to, or will  

slip a child into this world. I want my world for me and for everyone  

in the world today, the five fundamental human rights, the five  

fundamental wheels of existence: the right to clean air, food and  

water, the right to shelter, the right to learn, the right to  

meaningful activity and the right to love, with whom I want, when I  

want and where I want. We must achieve these fundamental rights and  

these rights must be guaranteed to all.”

“However, the patriarchal powers in this society go to all costs to  

protect their god given, and this time I say, god-damned right to  

breed. They murder us with wars and state executions and lock us up  

in prisons and ghettos. The dogmas of their religions mold the  

society to patriarchal standards, which impose strict moral codes in  

order to suppress people’s instincts.”

“Genius. You go girl, this is fabulous stuff!” Denver testified.

“Lesbians. I will not shoot my wad for their holy future or prepare  

my bed for their seed. For many, there is no thing, no, nothing more  

important than immortality, which means breeding and creating a  

future, playing god. And I am sorry, I do not play god that way.”

“Me neither, sister,” Denver said and slapped the dashboard with his  

left palm.

“Children, children, children. I have nothing against children. But,  

I want utopia! I want utopia now, not in some future generation. It  

is wishful thinking and it is pathetic.”

“Well. All right!” Denver whooped.

“Lesbians! We are a gift, you and I. We are a gift to the Mother from  

the Goddess, in order to control the population! Yes, Sisters.  

Everyone is talking about over-population but few are doing anything  

about it. Everyone is talking about the rape of Mother Earth. But  

still an animal or plant species dies out, ceases to exist every 15  

minutes. The chain is broken. Mother, what have I done?” She had now  

worked herself to a fever pitch.

“Sisters, Mother Earth has Aids. She has been weakened by man’s  

constant efforts to control her. Her immune system is weak. Her body  

is beginning to break down, attacked by the very creatures she  

supports. She cannot fight against the disease called ’mankind’.

“And what he is doing, he calls free enterprise. Free enterprise is  

nothing but a carte blanche to go into another country and get what he  

wants, to exploit cheap labor, to hinder social advances, to install  

his friends at the top, to rob countries of their resources and to  

take the entire profit back to his own country. That’s what he calls  

free enterprise! I call it rape. Like a dog returning to eat its own vomit, 

I see HIM again!” She shouted and all were silent.

“Lesbians unite! We are not going to clean up their shit anymore.  

It’s time to take control of our lives, to be pro-life, to take  

control of our bodies, to be pro-choice. Let us unite and take over,  

be pro-over.

“I’m going to set you on fire.”

The sound of a blazing bonfire and the slow rhythmic beating of drums  

in the background could be heard. A bell rang and a women’s choir  

softly sang:


Going down, down, down,

in the ring of fire. The ring of fire.

Going burn, burn, burn,

in the ring of fire. The ring of fire.


“The fire is burning. Yellow Sisters, because yellow is the color of  

the millennium. Yellow is brilliant. Yellow is light. Yellow is sun.  

Yellow is life and I live, therefore I am. Yellow is the concept.  

Forget pink. Think yellow. Burn. Baby burn. You are all on fire!”

Denver pointed to himself and said, “I am with ya’.”

The choir continued singing softly in the background.

“The time has come to entrust this congregation with the code to talk  

to the aliens.” She returned to a narrative cadence. “Take out your  

paper and pen and get ready.”

A short scramble ensued as Icky and Denver searched the front seat  

for a piece of paper and a pen.

“Egypt!” she said, “Egypt is the code to talk to the aliens.”

Unable to find the items required in time, Denver wrote the code on  

the now fogged up windows of the Galaxy.

“Wait. I already have the code.” Icky searched his pockets for his  

yellow piece of paper.

“E. G. Y. P. T. is an acronym. The E is for Egypt, G is for gives, Y  

is for you, P is for plenty and T for time. What does that spell?”

The voices in the background rang out, “Egypt gives you plenty time.”

“Right.” Her voice assumed a pleasant authoritarian quality, “Now,  

take the last letters of this phrase, the T at the end of Egypt, the  

S at the end of gives, the U at the end of you, the Y at the end of  

the plenty and the E at the end of time. What’s that spell?”

The congregation spelt the letters of the code, “T. S. U. Y. E.”

“Right,” she affirmed. “This is an acronym for …”

“… to see under your eye.” The audience completed the message.

“Wow. So that’s what it means,” Icky said softly, “Yeah. Now I  

remember. That’s what the guy said.”

“That’s right, Sisters. The third eye. The one between your eyes. Your  

instinct, your intuition, your spirituality. Goddess bless.”

“Goddess bless!” the congregation affirmed.

“Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty. Here kitty, kitty, kitty,” she  

repeated for quite some time. “Here kitty, kitty, kitty.” A cat’s  

purr was heard in the background.

“Fellow lesbians, you are in a circle. You have what it takes. You  

possess the code to communicate with the aliens. You have received  

the code. Use this code to change the world, your world, to change  

yourself, to plant your garden and to pee on it. Make it grow.”

“Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty. Here kitty, kitty, kitty. Pussy  

farm deluxe is coming soon!” she shouted. “You are your own hero. I  

am my own hero. Peace and love and happiness, lesbians. 

And remember,  

where ever you go, you take yourself.”

“Alleluia!” the audience roared.

“Viva Las Vegas!” she yelled back.

“Viva Las Vegas,” they repeated.

A bell rang and the radio station mysteriously went dead.

There was a long moment of silence as Denver and Icky absorbed what  

they had just heard.

Denver was the first to speak, “Well, Icky? How do you wipe your ass?”





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