54. the young millionaires
“What took you so long?” Mike Mueller punctuated his question with a
wisp of exasperation. “I thought Marie and Louis died in the flood.
Come. Come on you two.”
He pushed Candi and Martin towards the dressing rooms. “We have been
waiting for you. Oh. Thank god, you don’t go on until the end. Now
just sit down. Carmen and Troy will transform you both from average
working scum to marvelous turn of the century bon vivants.” He
swooned over to Troy and instructed, “Call costume and tell them to
send the clothes.”
It took hours of preparation to transform receptionist and adman into
the king and queen of france. Martin sat nervously sweating like a
pig ready for slaughter, as pancake, eyeliner, rouge, lipstick and
wig were applied layer upon layer by the effeminate beautician and
his friendly helper, Carmen.
“Carmen darling. Hand me the black eyeliner. I want to make this mole
on his face stand out. Louis, so many moles.” While re-powdering, he
instructed Martin on how to be swishy and masochistic when in public.
They made their debut at the end of the hour-long variety show with
hit numbers from stage and film hosted by Al Radka. Norma Child sang
her classic hit with an upbeat tempo as Louis (Martin) rolled a king-
size replica of a silver dollar onto the stage, followed by Marie
Antoinette (Candi), who helping him place it in the center. They then
assisted Norma, who had tripped and fallen over the prop, up onto the
coin. She was accompanied by Miss Liberty, symbol of America’s
dominance in the world of finance as well as culture. Neil Jung made
a surprise appearance and sang his old standard, ’California
Roadkill’. To end the show, the entire cast led the audience in
singing the United States National Anthem.
Following the show, a gala buffet was served in the lobby of the
F.C.T. Both Louis and Marie Antoinette hob-nobbed with the rich and
drank expensive champagne from equally expensive fluted crystal
champagne glasses supplied by Godschalks Department store. Marie
played the cunning strumpet positioning herself with laughing men
whenever possible, pouting her lips for the ever-present
photographers. Louis felt sovereign, as if the world was his to give
away.
Louis and Marie met some of the richest men in the state. There were,
for example, Bill Lock, president of the Megahard company, one of the
world’s largest suppliers of quartz computer chips; Danny Mencina,
major land developer and owner of the Delta Smelts; Kim Wang, venture
capitalist and majority shareholder of Cyberseed and Crisco
Enterprises, the successful communications firm; Congressman Arni
Weissmann, who had recently diversified his company’s portfolio to
include atomic waste disposal and environmental purification, thus
killing two birds with one stone, literally; Ben Silverstone, film
studio executive; and Pierre Mondane, whose company’s luxury
agricultural holdings included Sacramento Tomato Juice, world famous
Blue Diamond Almonds, and Sunkiss Raisins.
Louis and Marie Antoinette paused in their courting gestures to chew
the fat upstairs at the buffet table. Louis loaded his tiny serving
plate with smoked salmon cubes, whilst Maria nibbled on little pieces
of zwieback with goose pâté. Unfortunately, Maria was unable to
consume large quantities of expensive food products due to her
cinched waistline.
There were already food remnants on Louis’ cream vest and frockcoat
before he even approached the table. Fearing the mess would only get
worse, Marie assisted a blond-haired woman who had taken a liking to
Louis in bibbing him with an oversize paper napkin. Acting in
character, Marie took baroque liberties and patted Louis on the butt.
Louis spun around quickly to reproach whoever had made this tactless
gesture. The velocity of his spin caused a salmon cube to fly off of
his plate, hitting Marie’s powdered face and dropping down into her
cleavage. Marie squealed, wiggled and toiled with gloved hands to
remove the cold fish from her person. Intoxicated by his costumed
persona, Martin took advantage of the moment, sprang at Marie’s
exposed luscious and plentifuls, and buried his face in her cleavage
to suck out the cube. A modern-day Van Meer. The two performed their
courtly gestures with the full embellishment of the period, and
finally threw their heads back in unguarded laughter. As Louis took a
deep breath, the fish cube left his mouth and lodged itself in his
throat, and he began to choke, gasping for air.
Kim Wang from Cyberseed, the human cloning agency, noticing that
Louis was in distress, seized him from behind and pulled the heinrick
maneuver. The force of the squeeze caused the cube to abruptly exit
Louis’ windpipe and land on the black taffeta silk skirt of a fine
princess dress worn by one of the wives in attendance. Screeching at
the foreign object heaved from Louis’ esophagus, which had
unexpectedly plopped in her lap, the woman picked it off with the
thumb and index finger of her black-gloved right hand, and tossed it
away with a flick of her wrist.
The vomited cube landed on the marble floor in front of the
staircase, leading to the lower lobby. A waiter, passing by with a
tray of champagne, naturally slipped on the fish cube but before
going down, did make a heroic effort to find balance. A couple of
guests from the lower lobby arriving at the top of the staircase
accidentally bumped into the waiter in the last moment of his
balancing act. This in turn, caused all three to tumble down the red-
carpeted theater staircase in a tangled mess, champagne and crystal
spilling everywhere. From here on, occurred an incredible chain of
events, which led to the death of thirty-six millionaires plus one
adman.
Meanwhile, backstage another coincidence was playing itself out.
After getting some sleep, Denver had begun to enjoy being with
someone from the past who understood. He and Troy babbled opinions,
stories, information, facts and details about their lives, the
private and the inconsequential. Denver was a bit shocked to find out
the dirt on his father from Troy, who had heard it from Mike Mueller.
At the following day’s breakfast table, Freedom once again stumbled
in with the cats. When she described her most recent traveling
partner in candid details, Denver made the connection to Icky. At
Matches later in the day, the four were united and sat strung out on
endless cups of coffee conversing until the early hours.
Since then, Freedom and Icky had separated only to relieve
themselves. Between the two, a love thing had developed, with both
not knowing where it might go or which way to feel. They only knew
that at the moment it felt good.
When Troy explained his upcoming duties at the F.C.T. to them, Denver
and Icky expressed their desire to obtain the giant silver dollar.
Troy got permission from Mike to take the used prop and the three had
arranged to meet at the actors’ entrance after the show for Troy to
sneak them into the theater. Presently, the four of them were in the
theater getting ready to roll the coin out the stage door unaware of
the chain of events unfolding in the lobby.
“Do you think that we can strap it onto the hood?” Denver asked.
“This is brilliant. I see major art possibilities.”
“Yeah. I see some too,” Icky said and picked up the coin for Denver
to slide a sheet of clear plastic underneath. “I don’t think it will
fit in the trunk.” He stood the coin on its side and held it. “Your
parents had some great stuff. When did your sister say the storage
people were coming? If there’s space we should definitely get some
stuff.”
“Yeah. I really want the Madonna statue. But if I know Bianca, she’ll
claim everything and start selling it on eBay.” Denver looked around.
“Where’s the tape?” He rose and walked over to where he had spied a
roll of silver duct tape at stage right.
“Troy,” Freedom whined from a seat in the first row of the theater.
“Do you got any more grass?”
“Why? Do you want to smoke a joint?” Troy cynically replied from the
stage left wing.
“Yeah. That would be nice. Look, I’ll roll it.”
Troy reappeared on stage, took a plastic zip-lock bag from his jeans
jacket filled with all the accoutrements for proper joint rolling and
threw it offstage to Freedom.
“Be careful,” Troy said worriedly. “You can’t smoke inside, you’ll
have to wait until we’re outside.”
“Yeah!” Icky interrupted, “and you can’t even do that. This is
California where everyone is their own smoke detector. Heil Peace!”
Icky said thrusting his right arm outward and clicking the heels of
his dancing shoes together. His voice thundered in the theater.
“California über alles!” he exclaimed and let go of the wooden coin,
which dropped onto the stage.
The loud crash alarmed the security guards who were poised outside
each entrance to the theater. They were already on high alert due to
the bomb threat phoned in at Realife earlier, and edgy because of the
ruckus that had just been caused by the falling waiter.
The theater doors clicked open one after another and a group of
armed men in business suits marched in from each entrance.
“Everything all right?” one of them questioned, holding his finger to
his ear.
“Hey. Who are you guys?” Icky belligerently asked.
“Yeah!” Troy interjected and walked up to front stage center.
“Everything’s okay. We just dropped one of the props.” He kicked the
wooden coin that lay on the floor next to him. “He smashed his foot
and screamed.” He pointed to Icky who turned and hobbled into the wings.
The armed guards glanced at Freedom. She smiled back, having put her
hands over her lap to disguise her activity. They nodded and without
smiling, returned to the doors from which they had entered, looked
around one last time and phoned central to cancel the alarm.
“Did I tell you what my mother sent me for my birthday?” Freedom
began after the doors closed.
No one answered.
“You know how I got on her case about my brothers neglecting me in my
hour of need. I mean, here I was, Electra is dying, my husband is
being a real jerk and to top it all off, my family practically
abandons me. Only Lisa and Mona came to visit me in Fresno. Everyone
was occupied and really couldn’t visit.”
“C’mon Denver. I help you wrap up the coin,” Troy said quietly and
signaled to Denver.
“Here I am, feeling like shit. I’ve been abandoned. What was once a
family is now gone.”
There was a brief moment of silence after the crack of duct tape
being ripped from the roll.
“One day, sitting in my house, out of my mind with sadness, being
masturbated by TV, I surf onto this light bulb and that was that. I
decided to sell everything I owned. I decided to pack my bags and go.
Started visiting friends in the suburbs and wound up in Baltimore
where I ditched the car and decided to explore my roots.”
“Okay,” Troy said lifting, “Let’s take this dollar and roll.” He
glanced at Freedom, “Don’t use all of it. Mix it with a little
tobacco. This stuff is still illegal even if you are being endlessly
supplied.”
“In Italy,” she said, preoccupied with the rolling process. “I was
working out my sadness a little each day and Italy was the right
place to be. I must’ve lit a thousand candles. I really got into the
ritual thing and there is a church or altar on every corner in that
country. Is anybody listening?” she asked and licked the joint shut.
“Yeah. We’re listening,” Troy said. “Where’s Icky?”
“Can we smoke this joint?” She held up a rolled doobie and looked for
support.
“Yeah. We’re done.” Troy helped Denver roll the coin to the stage
door. “Icky!” he yelled. “We’re leaving. C’mon Freedom. We’ll smoke
the joint in the car.”
Freedom stood up, collected her belongings and followed the two to
the exit.
“Hold it right there,” Troy said to Denver and kicked the door open
with his foot.
“Oh fucking hell!” Denver exclaimed when the door swung open, “Look
at all this water. I’ve never seen so much water in my life. Fucking
A. How are we going to get out of here?” The two of them peered out
the door and noticed a security guard walking over to them.
“Shit, I forgot,” Troy said as he rolled the coin outside. “I have to
talk to the guard and tell him that we got permission from Mike.”
“I’ve got a set of keys for the Galaxy,” Denver said and pointed to
Icky’s car. “It’s still on high ground, almost. Keep calling for
Icky.” He tapped Freedom on the shoulder. “I’ll go get the car and
sail it over while you talk to Bozo, the port authority. We can smoke
the joint in the car, and I think there’s a couple of beers
underneath the seat. We can have a party while waiting for the tide
to ebb.” He pulled his jacket over his head and ran towards the
automobile as Troy rolled the coin outside the theater and leaned it
against the wall.
The security guard ran over to Troy and started to interrogate. Troy
defused the human watch, and after being checked and verified, Troy
and Freedom were left in peace.
“Icky!” Freedom yelled into the theater. “We’re leaving.”
“I’m coming,” came his voice from a distance. The Galaxy drove up and
Troy decided, upon Freedom’s insistence, that they would smoke the
joint first before strapping the wooden coin to the roof.
“You get in the car.” He pushed Freedom out into the rain.” I just
have to close the door and it will lock automatically. “Where’s Icky?”
“I don’t know,” she said and ran to the Galaxy and got in, leaving
the back car door open.
“Icky!” Troy yelled once more.
“I’m coming.” Icky came bolting from center stage, pushed Troy out of
the way, slammed the stage door and practically jumped into the
waiting Galaxy. “Cruise to warp eight, Denver,” Icky said, unwinding
himself from Freedom’s lap. “I hate security.”
Troy entered the Galaxy and sat down next to Denver. Freedom had
already lit the joint and was puffing away.
The loud explosion of the firecracker that Icky had placed inside a
metal storage drum added to the confusion in the lobby. Half of
security scattered in the direction of the blast, the other half
started to round up the guests and herd them towards the front doors.
The trio that had fallen down the stairs was being comforted by
Marie. Louis hovered nearby dabbing his forehead with his
handkerchief and apologizing profusely.
Moments later, another explosion went off. An espresso machine with
calcium build-had been whistling away each time a cappuccino was
made. Distracted by the tumbling millionaires, a bartender mistakenly
attached the wrong coffee plug to the machine. Pressure built up and
the copper water boiler inside the machine burst. The explosion sent
sharp metal fragments, boiling water and porcelain flying into all
those that were near. Seven millionaires and various spouses were
permanently disfigured.
The whole room seemed to move at once. One thousand people ran
towards the front doors in mass hysteria. The impulse of the crowd
was tremendous. It was this panic that was the real culprit in the
deaths. At least six millionaires died when their necks were broken
as they tumbled down the red-carpeted stairs. Those lying at the
bottom of the stairs were consequently trampled.
Within seconds after the explosions, the first people had pushed
their way outside the theater only to be greeted with foot-high
water. A flash flood had inundated the downtown district. Those who
hesitated to get their feet wet impeded the exit of the remaining
guests. Unsure footing caused many to fall down the concrete steps
leading to the street. Push came to shove and young millionaires,
never having had much in the way of ethics anyway, fought for their
lives.
“I got a mom story,” Icky said, puffing at the joint.
“Wait a minute. I wasn’t finished telling mine.” Freedom took a
breath and resumed her story. “Well okay, about a week after my
birthday I get this huge package in the mail. It must’ve cost her
more to send it than it did to buy the stuff that was in it. I open
it up and there are five individual packages inside, one from each
member of my family. Only they didn’t buy them. Mom bought them all.
She didn’t even try to hide the fact. I could tell that everything
was bought at Jacques C. Penné and that mom wrote the names of my
siblings on the present labels. Plus my mom has bad taste. She knew
that I was in mourning but she still bought me a pink sweatshirt. It
was like, one present after another and all completely false. I cried
because it was done with so much love but so completely wrong.”
“Wait a minute. Be quiet a moment,” Denver instructed and turned off
the radio. “Did you hear something? It sounds like people are in
distress.”
They sat in silence for a good moment, looking at each other with
only the sound of rain pounding on the car roof.
“Oh no! What’s happening?” Icky gulped and rolled down the window.
Freedom unrolled the window and pricked up her ears. “I hear people
screaming.”
“Darling, it sounds like people are hurt,” Troy stated.
“Yeah. Oh my god!” Freedom’s pulse quickened, recognizing true sounds
of pain and agony. “There’s something wrong!” she screamed, at which
all four, without a moment’s hesitation, sprang out of the car and ran
in the direction of the calamity.
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