51. oprah
Oprah: Let me get one thing straight. I am not running for president.
Neil: And I do not give out free beer.
Oprah: So. You were at the buffet table?
Carol: I was hired to assist in a variety show with musical numbers.
I was dressed as Miss Liberty for the finale. I have got a lot of
experience, having worked as a display hostess on game shows and all.
I started at the bottom really. I was doing department stores when I
was discovered.
Oprah: And you saw the whole thing.
Carol: Yes, from the balcony. I was talking to Kim Wang from Crisco
Industries. He sure had a lot to say. He’s turning 50 next year, and
he wants me to be a part of next year’s gala in Fairfield. He asked
me to be Miss Delta, whoever she is.
Oprah: How about you, Sarah? You were in the porno industry
before you met your husband.
Sarah: Yes. That’s true, I married into money and the sex is great.
Isn’t that what a relationship is all about? Plus, I learn a lot.
Because of my husband, I now know something about real estate. I’ll
tell you one thing though. Love comes and goes, but property remains.
Oprah: Arnold, you were there to meet with your fellow millionaires
and pay tribute to the man who put Fresno on the map.
Arnold: I was there with my wife, Norma. We’re more than just
millionaires, we’re also a group of entrepreneurs who are lobbying to
remove the excessive government regulations preventing us from
attaining the wealth that we deserve. We share a common interest.
Oprah: I see a tragic irony.
Arnold: Look at it this way. We are like the canaries in a coal
mine. We are the first to smell danger. We are the ones taking the
risks. I think we should have some protection. That is why I became a
senator. We try to save people from themselves. Except that time …
Oprah: George, they say that you were one of the causes of the
panic. You have been cleared of the charges. How do you feel about
the whole thing now?
George: Having been in the military, I am used to such carnage. I’m
relieved that the ordeal is finally over. My ex-wife and I had
started a catering business and we were hoping to expand the
business. But the gala sent us back to ground zero. On the other
hand, other opportunities have opened up.
Oprah: What good could come out of the death of thirty-six
millionaires and an adman?
George: It was my ex-wife’s father who died. She’s been getting all
this work as a cosmetologist for the documentaries they’ve been doing
about the accident. I’ve even gotten a few jobs as an eye-witness.
Oprah: Will you ever be the same?
Carmen: Oh! He was your father-in-law. Oh, I am terribly sorry. I
was there and I cannot believe it. I went home directly after the
show. I was not invited to the gala. I saw it on the news and
couldn’t believe I was just there. I mean, I did the wig of this
man’s father-in-law, and that wig was pictured in every newspaper. I
feel it’s like a bad sign, you know.
Ben: That’s an interesting point. Maybe we can work that into the
movie we are currently making starring Moses Leed and Jennifer
Foreal. Carol has already decided to be in it.
Oprah: Don’t you have any reservations about filming something that
involves you personally?
Ben: What could I do? With the success of the book, even I have to
go with what the public wants, and they certainly have the right to
know.
Oprah: Remorse, trauma. Is anybody feeling anything?
Patty: I was there filming and I have been traumatized ever since. I
never expected as a reporter to actually witness a disaster. We
always arrive on the scene either before or after the fact, the irony
of virtual disasters. But this one was real, I was there and it’s
hard for me to find closure.
Oprah: What kind of help have you been getting?
Patty: I got a week off of work and I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist.
She says I am suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. She has
recommended blue Spinola. I still have trouble sleeping at night.
Oprah: It is now known that a chain of circumstances caused the
panic. What were you doing when it started?
Neil: I was drinkin’ a beer in the dressing room, strugglin’ to take
off my clothes. Because of my belly, I haven’t been able to touch my
penis in years.
Carol: It was the millionaires who were the tragic figures, and King
Louis, of course. Trampled to death. I am so sorry about your father-
in-law.
George: I didn’t know Martin that well. But thanks anyway. I was re-
stocking the buffet table when the coffee machine started whistling
again and this time it exploded with a bang. I’ve never heard of that
happening before. I didn’t think it could happen. Two of our
assistants are scarred for life.
Ben: I was sitting upstairs at a table when the waiter slipped. Then
there was this loud clap in the theater. Moments later, the coffee
machine and the explosion back stage. It was if someone pushed the
panic button. Everybody thought the same. Get out. Escape.
Arnold: We are all used to terrorist acts, millionaires especially.
So we are prepared, for the good and the bad. We knew what we had to
do. It seems that everyone had the same idea. The whole room moved.
Amazing group dynamics.
Oprah: Ben, I can see your mind working on ways to capitalize on
this. When we come back we’ll be talking to one lady who witnessed
her husband’s eye being poked out by a woman in high heels. Don’t go
away. We’ll return after these messages.
Neil: Can I drink a beer on air then?
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